My first "Mormon-themed" posting (Eternal marriage)

I put this post on the website ldsmingle.com. I took advantage of the seven day free trial and, alas no luck! :) Although, in all honesty, I don't really believe that right now is the right time for me to be jumping the gun, as far as marriage is concerned. Nevertheless, I still feel like the things I had to say were valid.

Not really sure if anyone is going to read this blog or not, but I am really bad at keeping a journal, so I figured this might be a good way to adhere to that! If you read, enjoy and feel free to comment.

Here is the post:

Title: "So I am kind of surprised.... (long post)"
Posted: August 2, 2009, 10:03 pm

First off, please forgive my diatribe. I tend to rant and rave but at least you are reading it instead of hearing it, right?

I am really new to the Church. Never gave much thought to actually settling down, period, nor did I ever assign a spiritual significance to marriage until I started learning the message of the Church... but...

(And just realize that this next part is written with slight sarcasm but you cannot really convey that through text... so hope no one gets offended)

One thing I did "know" about "all Mormons" before I joined the church was that all the girls got married when they were like 19 or 20 and they wanted to marry missionaries (who were roughly 21 or 22). I had a few single Mormon female friends but I figured that they were kind of exceptions to the general rule. I accepted this as an absolute truth (which I now know is silly). Another thing that I "knew" about all single Mormon women who didn't get married by the age of 22 was that the Church considered them to be "Old Maids" and they were relegated to a lower service status within the church. And I also knew that women couldn't make the moves but had to wait for a man to choose them and invite them to marry. Where I got these ideas, I really don't know.

Anyways, so I was learning the Gospel and as I was considering joining, I just kind of reconciled myself to the fact that as a 27-year-old woman, I was probably destined for a life of being single. Then I went to a Gospel Principles class and they talked about the "prerequisites" for exaltation and there was celestial marriage. And, oh boy, did that kind of just push my buttons. I thought of my single Mormon friends who are the epitome of perfect Church members, and I though, "How unfair, that they shall be punished for remaining single." And I thought about myself. All of those guys that I dated that were ok, but just not right for me... and if I can be a tad narcissistic, not worthy of what I have to offer (and believe me, that might sound snooty but I have dated some real "winners"). Anyways, I just was thinking that maybe I missed my window of opportunity. And before I had been going to the church, I never was really worried about the fact that I was single at age 27. I justified it by citing to some of my friends' relationships, which had failed and "they" were 27 and divorced. Didn't that make it better that I hadn't acted rashly? Probably not, but it helped me cope with my single status. But now, I can't receive the full exaltation to the celestial kingdom without being married??? Ugh, I couldn't win, right? But luckily, I emailed one of my single Mormon friends (referenced above) to ask how she dealt with it in her mind. And she gave me a very good answer which helped to appease my mind on the subject. I also had some very good conversations with the missionaries and prayed over it and studied the Gospel and the teachings of the Church.

So, anyways, back to the subject of this post...
What has surprised me is how many single (as in never been married) people there are on [ldsmingle.com]. And some of them (well the guys anyway) are very physically attractive, have some substance on their profile (and quite a few of you have proper spelling, punctuation and grammar too!!)and are in their late 20's to late 30's. And I am assuming that these are members are not adult converts, as they typically have mission service listed on their profile.

So, going back to those "truths" that I learned before I ever even knew anything about the Church...
Why have some of you waited?
Are you waiting for the perfect person?
Are you waiting for love at first sight or that "butterflies in the stomach feeling" (which can also be nausea)?
If there are so many of us here yearning for a spouse, why are so few connections being made?
Are we all just seeking this ideal that we can never attain?

I know that I have a very specific picture in my mind's eye of what I would like my future mate to be, but I don't know if I have found him yet. So maybe I have just been seeking in vain because maybe my "dream man" doesn't exist? I don't know, but this is just something that has been on my mind lately and just had to put it out there. Sorry again for the long post but I look forward to any and all responses!

J.C.