I feel bad! No, really bad.
I have let myself be swayed by what others think of me! And yes, that affected me but now it has affected a friend.
Before I became a full-fledged investigator, I was "mildly curious". I had talked to a classmate who was Mormon and he was willing to indulge my questions and more. Pretty soon, I was getting pretty regular invites for dinner with him and his wife. I turned him down for probably about four months but he never stopped asking. Then when I got more involved, I did hang out with them. In a way, I guess I could say that they (along with the missionaries) kind of held my hand in getting me baptized and everything. At my baptism, they bought me a beautiful Bible/Book of Mormon as a gift and I felt truly honored. But as "the world" kept eating at me, I kind of started slipping away from the church a little bit and he saw me doing something really bad. He busted me totally "red-handed" having a cigarette with some of my friends from school. I shouldn't have done it but I haven't had one in a long time and it just sounded good (although, it really wasn't). Now if anyone else had seen me smoking, I probably wouldn't have thought twice about it, but since it was him, I felt really bad. And I haven't talked to him about it. Just kind of ignoring the issue because it seems easier to deal with but I feel an immense amount of guilt. I even told the missionaries about it and expressed my feelings but they said he probably wasn't mad but just wanting to help. And I love that about the church. People realize you are human and you mess up but I still feel really badly about it. I guess I just really don't know how to bring it up and right now I am being too stubborn to just come out and apologize because I am worried about what he is thinking of me. And I am sure he told his wife... and she is seriously, like, the nicest person on earth. But what is she thinking of me now? Do they feel like I stabbed them in the back? And herein lies the problem.... I am getting rejected from old friends so I try to hang out with them and I do things that get me rejected (or at least in my mind) by my new Mormon friends. UGH! I am really torn over this and praying that God will help me to resolve my issues.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I'm thinking that your Mormon guy friend and his wife are thinking, "Oh gosh! I wonder what we can do to help." If I were in their shoes, I'd be disappointed, but I certainly wouldn't be judging you.
My advice is to go up to him and say, "Hey, I know you saw me the other day. I need your help. I don't want that to happen again, but if it does can you just remind me by saying, 'Sinner! You're going to hell!' or something just as kind?" He'll probably laugh and say that he'd love to help.
Seriously, I find that making a joke about something can still show your sincerity.
Post a Comment